So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
