I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
