What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
