Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
