I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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