They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
