He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
