im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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