now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
