guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
