Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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