Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The feeling are messing with the penis
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
