i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
