Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
