just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
