Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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