i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
