I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
