im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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