they need to just BURY HIM!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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