happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
