$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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