I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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