I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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