My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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