I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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