Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
