i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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