My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Randomize
