she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
