I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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