I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
i think im in europe. pls send help
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
