Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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