omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
