You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
