Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
