I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
