Pants 0. Shit 1.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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