we have pet lesbian snakes
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
This is my gift to your gina
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
All the doctor said was why
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
