Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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