i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
