I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
When did angry sex become our thing?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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