tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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