Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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