The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
This baby is an asshole
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
