I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
