I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
