sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
