And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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