splinters make it hard to masturbate
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
