why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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