trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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