M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
