He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
