I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
