Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
