So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
