I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
